Midnight hour

So, I was lying in bed last night planning my post on how improved I feel health-wise especially since my dear naturopathic-friend-in-training gave me some incredibly useful advice on improving my immune system. Then, pow, I woke up this morning feeling catatonically tied to the bed, unable to move anything but my head. I feel like it’s one step forward, two back but it’s made me more determined not to compromise on the guidelines I’ve been given to improve this shitty feeling.

It didn’t help that the boys woke at 540am. They are still in the same room and have been for a week now. It totally sucks. But I’m not allowed to say that – I’ll explain later. They’ve had one night of ‘sleeping through’ where we haven’t had to feed, move, pat, get-into-bed with either of them. Otherwise it’s like having two newborns. Did I say it sucks? Oops.

Every time I complain, I’m accused of being ‘negative’ about the whole arrangement. And even though I know I have a slight tendency sometimes to veer towards the negative, this time I’m merely stating it like it is – that is, the arrangement SUCKS. This is all so the boys can have their own ‘playroom’ (S having given up his bedroom) but really it’s so all the toys have somewhere to go and C can look around the house and ‘pretend’ he doesn’t have kids. Really, it’s all for the wrong reasons and guess who’s paying for the whimsical fancy? Actually I’ve pretty much refused to get up in the night now having made my feelings about the arrangement clear.

Don’t you think that’s fair? If C’s sooo insistent on keeping things as they are despite the fact our sleep no longer belongs to us (AGAIN) and in the knowledge that sleep-deprivation kind of sends me over that nasty edge we all hate, isn’t it fair that he does the hard-yards? I still feel bad every time he gets up to them and lay awake guilt crawling all over me even after they finally go back to sleep, so really I’m not benefitting much sleep-wise anyway.

Anyway, moan moan I know but hey. So what are your thoughts on my refusal to even turn over when the inevitable wail launches into the midnight hour?

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March 2009

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